tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4902865591590292972024-03-05T01:20:47.917-05:00Stuff by SigmundLife is too short to ignore stupidity.Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-20567765630491187222011-01-11T17:14:00.003-05:002011-01-11T17:16:59.039-05:00You Suck, Part 2: Amy Chua in the Wall Street JournalIt is hard, given the space here, to do justice to the awfulness of Amy Chua's article <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html#articleTabs%3Darticle">"Why Chinese Mothers are Superior</a>," so I'll try to distill it down to the essential issues:<br />
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<b>It is racist.</b> Very, very racist. And yes, Ms. Chua, you can be racist and a "minority." (By the way, being Chinese, makes you a worldwide "majority," so stop milking the term and grow the fuck up.)<br />
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<b>It encourages abusive child-rearing.</b> No, this is not a cultural difference of opinion. Being a nasty bitch to your children and talking smack about other people's kids isn't proper parenting, in word or in deed, no matter where you live in the world.<br />
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<b>It ignores the high rates of suicide and self-abuse that occur in cultures that encourage this kind of nastiness.</b> Yeah, your kid is a great piano player, but you beat the shit out of her self esteem to get her there. You also denied her anything like a decent social experience, and you've made sure that she will grow up to be a career-driven, frigid bitch like you. I hope you like the sound of Beethoven and resentment.<br />
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<b>It is more about how Amy Chua thinks she is a perfect mother, against all evidence, than about her failed efforts at lauding the cultural superiority of a society that believes shame can fix anything.</b> Western society is slowly learning that guilt isn't the answer to all ills, and China is lagging behind. Catch up, Ms. Chua, and join the modern world.<br />
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<b>Ms. Chua confuses abuses brainwashing with filial gratitude.</b> Yeah, you berated, threatened, abused, ground-down and emotionally bludgeoned your kid into playing "The Little White Donkey." You made her miserable, treated her like trash, made her feel stupid and worthless and alone, threw out her things, screamed at your husband, and acted like the most self-entitled, egotistical, living-vicariously-through-my-children's-successes sociopath I have ever encountered in the educated world. And when your daughter finally gets it, when she finally succeeds, you think she is happy out of pride? <b>She's happy because you might leave her alone for a few minutes, you psychotic, self-righteous, nasty bitch! </b>I can beat a donkey until it climbs a hill, but just because it is a steep hill and the donkey couldn't climb it the day before, I'm still a lousy person for having done it.<br />
<br />
<b>Amy Chua represents the worst of academia; she is a cold, narrow-minded cultural imperialist that shouldn't be allowed near children, either hers or anyone else's. She is arrogance personified, a holdover from the days when China thought itself the master of the world. And like China, she will learn too late that the world has moved past her, and she will struggle to catch up.</b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYc2OVd0CHgQLIJpMLVjlo1Dy0ndT57g6d4XNHAcL3bpU5tH8Z8UYR7F5mvLcdw526lbKiEmqhpKTVJxwEkR0zD3XV-TAASbyFnC1JYchWb5qujM_HmSU2z7chyphenhyphen1Bo5kOeb6Nj3ypK1acp/s1600/Amy+Chua+is+a+child+abuser+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYc2OVd0CHgQLIJpMLVjlo1Dy0ndT57g6d4XNHAcL3bpU5tH8Z8UYR7F5mvLcdw526lbKiEmqhpKTVJxwEkR0zD3XV-TAASbyFnC1JYchWb5qujM_HmSU2z7chyphenhyphen1Bo5kOeb6Nj3ypK1acp/s1600/Amy+Chua+is+a+child+abuser+copy.jpg" /></a></div>Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-57318561986169709732011-01-08T23:34:00.000-05:002011-01-08T23:34:06.701-05:00Nice Work, Sarah PalinBut what else could you expect from a woman that loves to shoot animals from the open door of a helicopter? A hit list that leads some psychotic republican to go on a shooting rampage is just the kind of thing that Sarah Palin would dream up. <br />
<br />
Hell, the woman posted a map full of crosshairs aimed at her least favourite people. With that many nut-case gun owners in one country, that many morons with internet connections, that many deluded weirdos living in cabins in the woods of America, polishing their rifles and muttering Bible versus to themselves, what else would Sarah Palin expect?<br />
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Of course, that question suggest that there is a functioning brain cell in that empty little head of hers. There almost certainly isn't one. Her gross ignorance, blind patriotism, and lack of a functioning vocabulary leads me to believe that she couldn't possibly predict that a map full of targets with people's names listed next to them might be misconstrued by her fellow militant right-wingers. <br />
<br />
Foresight? Ha. <br />
<br />
Discretion? Madness. <br />
<br />
Welcome to Sarah Palin's America.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm_-AGw2YIo4-csXzgmnY5yoKfCBqru-2es1OHSEFULxN3fkfX9ezfT95AOCeqz5xOeI1UB0QVw-wOrLB9GYsRC1By6kuScX5SXAHDzvffXsiRfVQV9uiAmwxRnuiJF8wdelmvNwrrBT1S/s1600/Sarah+Palin+Accessory+to+Murder+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm_-AGw2YIo4-csXzgmnY5yoKfCBqru-2es1OHSEFULxN3fkfX9ezfT95AOCeqz5xOeI1UB0QVw-wOrLB9GYsRC1By6kuScX5SXAHDzvffXsiRfVQV9uiAmwxRnuiJF8wdelmvNwrrBT1S/s400/Sarah+Palin+Accessory+to+Murder+copy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-46339007734814491272011-01-06T22:03:00.000-05:002011-01-06T22:03:55.111-05:00Are You Joking Me?You know that friend that you have that constantly posts new profile pictures of herself (and it is always <em>her</em>self) on Facebook? You know the ones. The pictures are usually self-shot, often by judicious use of her bathroom mirror. And rather than her smiling like a normal person, she's trying really hard to look all pouty and brooding, and she isn't looking at the camera, like she's trying to take a candid picture of herself, <em>like she doesn't realize her own fucking camera is pointed at her</em>.<br />
<br />
Yeah, my wife has a friend like that. (We'll call her "Missy Miss" here.) She is as narcissistic and annoying as you would imagine someone like that to be, but she managed to surprise even me with the depths of her self-love when she requested that my wife send out a survey for her birthday. My wife is supposed to collect the thoughts of all of her friends about what Missy Miss means to all of them.<br />
<br />
Those ideas are great when someone does them spontaneously for you, but when you request one for yourself, you are a fucking train-wreck. That's like planning your own surprise party. No, check that. That's like asking your friend to plan the surprise party for you and handing her the goddamn guest list and a list of ice cream preferences. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2rttuEoMJ0c7IIH_LFUJu1YA_K9H5o3om82VNv8y193eN92zuV7GK7xI_f_hKlFSywtyoegH5PEw1ybZpCVNa1sWDNxhxSXZHCNkaBjzhTYoDowJMqbRQz3DyvJUueYmpIDTN0T-ecYYU/s1600/look+at+your+own+camera+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2rttuEoMJ0c7IIH_LFUJu1YA_K9H5o3om82VNv8y193eN92zuV7GK7xI_f_hKlFSywtyoegH5PEw1ybZpCVNa1sWDNxhxSXZHCNkaBjzhTYoDowJMqbRQz3DyvJUueYmpIDTN0T-ecYYU/s320/look+at+your+own+camera+copy.jpg" width="320" /></a>If you have a profile picture that you took yourself where you are looking away from the lens in a deliberate attempt to catch your best angle, close your Facebook account, shave your head, and go live in the fucking woods because you are too much of a waste to be part of my glorious new douchebag-free society.Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-9105179150527837212011-01-03T22:43:00.001-05:002011-01-07T17:04:52.897-05:00Lurking Racist TrollsYeah, you know who you are. You're the weaselly little KKK shit from Alabama that posts racist comments on the "I Have a Dream" speech on YouTube. You're poor, ignorant, likely a regular target for molestation by family members, and the epitome of the word "white trash." I went to watch said video the other day and couldn't believe how busy you've been trying to compensate for the abject nothingness of your existence.<br />
<br />
Please feel free to perform fellatio on your 20 gauge the next time you get the urge to sign into your YouTube account.<br />
<br />
And to the owners of YouTube, grow a fucking pair and start monitoring your site. You'd swear that you were owned by the Aryan Nation the way that you jackasses cater to small-town America. Not taking down racist propaganda isn't protecting free speech or avoiding censorship; it's giving tacit approval to hate. Man up and clean some fucking house.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjctXZGniahikV9kdsk1mPZzPtsOBT_tG5-qYLV-nsLmwADosrplPLOEV6bXNYqHG8nKXOwyXeyEAi9wL3HPPXVrQeCgniqcduMnJUuo1mMet6XUy2zpaVcD6596xZ397h0PvxsCzrX8QYd/s1600/Youtube+Racist+Hatemongers+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjctXZGniahikV9kdsk1mPZzPtsOBT_tG5-qYLV-nsLmwADosrplPLOEV6bXNYqHG8nKXOwyXeyEAi9wL3HPPXVrQeCgniqcduMnJUuo1mMet6XUy2zpaVcD6596xZ397h0PvxsCzrX8QYd/s320/Youtube+Racist+Hatemongers+copy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-44592489086412491682011-01-01T11:44:00.000-05:002011-01-01T11:44:15.311-05:00Happy New YearThis year, make a resolution to stop being such a narcissistic cock-face. If you're a Canadian, resolve to quit being so self-righteously proud of a country that lacks an identity, effective government, or world presence. If you're an American, stop barking about how your country is the greatest in the world; you don't even have free healthcare, something that all of the developed and near-developed world provides its citizens. And if you're a Mexican, resolve to stop killing all those tourists.Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-29928397827165832722010-12-28T16:29:00.000-05:002010-12-28T16:29:53.015-05:00If You Drive a Mercedes, You're an AssholeYou just are, and you fucking know it. <br />
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Mercedes makes big, clunky, gas-guzzling, ostentatious, expensive vehicles that are only purchased by people that are trying desperately to hide their insecurities. If you're a guy, you buy one to make up for your tiny, tiny dick. If you are a girl, you're purchasing power and masculinity. <br />
<br />
What's worse, all of you Benz owners drive like you're the only person on the road, tailgate, speed, cut people off, don't signal, and generally behave like raging morons because you're staring down through that god-awful ugly hood ornament. <br />
<br />
You and your stupid car are what is wrong with the world.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp6yj-fNzMZLAnIYyrSpr3jRfOk4YD5cgj2axHym63WYb4eySdWvxHdPQuud8zIkKxXh7mYP-DHUGfCpZK36Xzfde50uZgFzUurHhrtyxHRL_nybB4D7QnnUod2B6DQS9nOUilO4cs0suk/s1600/Mercedes+Driven+by+Assholes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp6yj-fNzMZLAnIYyrSpr3jRfOk4YD5cgj2axHym63WYb4eySdWvxHdPQuud8zIkKxXh7mYP-DHUGfCpZK36Xzfde50uZgFzUurHhrtyxHRL_nybB4D7QnnUod2B6DQS9nOUilO4cs0suk/s320/Mercedes+Driven+by+Assholes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-29752627571497518682010-12-27T20:18:00.000-05:002010-12-27T20:18:54.961-05:00Direction of Blame<div class="MsoNormal"> </div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s the beginning of the Boxing Week season, and I feel for the people out there on the front lines.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I worked retail for a year or two when I was much younger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though I loved the people with whom I worked, I hated the job itself, and the pay was almost ludicrously bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing new there.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You know what else shouldn’t come as a surprise?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got yelled at by idiot customers on a regular basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They got mad at me for not having their book in stock, for not putting out enough seating for them, for not knowing the name of the product they wanted based on their piss-poor description of it, and for not having things priced the same as they have it on the website.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And 95% of these ass-hats were middle-aged women.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">If you are one of these women (i.e. if you have ever been rude to a retail worker, under any circumstance, at any time) then I have something to ask you:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What the fuck is your problem?</b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Seriously, what is it that makes you such a stupid, entitled, miserable bitch?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Menopause?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sexual frustration?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Drugs?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You do realize that the kids getting paid minimum wage don’t make decisions, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know that if they had their way, the stock would be full, the prices would be fair, and the music playing from the overhead speakers would be better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they don’t get their way, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">because they don’t have any fucking power or control!</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When you bitch at them, you do nothing but prove that you are a cowardly little shit that is so desperate to feel big that she’ll scream at an overworked, underpaid teenager about the checkout line moving too slowly when there are thirty thousand people in the store.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You prove that you have no empathy, sympathy, or respect for your fellow man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You prove that you are a miserable person, a poor excuse for a human being that should do us all a favour by sailing into the wild blue yonder on a boat made out of crackers.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I don’t care if the retail worker was rude, ignorant, or unhelpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t care if you couldn’t find what you wanted, or couldn’t find your size, or couldn’t reach the top shelf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t care because anyone that chews out a lowly retail worker is a piece of shit and deserves to be kicked in the throat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You want to yell at someone?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go home, look up the number for the company’s head office, and scream at someone that makes some decisions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do some work to make sure that you are screaming at a person that gets paid enough to deal with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one – <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">no one</i> – on the retail floor gets paid enough to take your shit.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Better yet, shut the fuck up entirely.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t deserve anything from anyone anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be happy that anyone is willing to work at these stores and show some respect for the fact that they make no money, get no benefits, and work terrible hours so you can go out and buy your stupid shit at all fucking hours.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So the next time you feel like chewing out a worker at your local department store, think carefully about how much of an ignorant, small, stupid bitch you look like to the rest of us.</div>Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-52677480361768821312010-12-23T22:21:00.004-05:002010-12-23T22:46:16.167-05:00You Suck, Part 1: Alicia Cox in ChatelaineI plan on making this a very regular feature on Stuff by Sigmund. And with shit like <a href="http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/love-sex-relationships/rogers-article.aspx?cp-documentid=25637597">this article</a> around, it will be <i>very </i>regular indeed.<br />
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Alicia Cox's "<a href="http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/love-sex-relationships/rogers-article.aspx?cp-documentid=25637597">The Pros and Cons of Dating an Ex</a>" exemplifies the kind of vapid, insubstantial trash writing that dominates the Lifestyle section of MSN.ca. (The fact that it came from a Chatelaine article of the same name suggests to me that that magazine can’t be much better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t say for sure; not being a middle-aged woman, I have never read a copy of Chatelaine.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes blogging look bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It drags down internet writing as an honest pursuit.<br />
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But that just seems like puerile venting when I write it like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s be more surgical, shall we?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><br />
<br />
<ol><li style="margin-left: .25in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">If you need to read an article in order to know when it is appropriate to date your ex, you are a fucking moron.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You clearly don’t have an ounce of common sense, you are likely self-destructive and needy, and I want you out of the gene pool before you pollute it with idiot children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be in a relationship or don’t be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Set your boundaries and grow the fuck up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By writing this article, Cox is enabling thousands – perhaps millions – of insecure, clingy, dependant women in their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sex and the City</i> inspired quests for Mr. Big.</li>
<li style="margin-left: .25in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">This title makes no sense at all.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not a pros and cons article.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would think that a professional writer would remember learning about a “pros and cons” structure in the seventh grade, but clearly Cox missed that day because she presents nothing more than a list of scenarios and generalities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, she doesn’t even do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Items 1 and 2 (“The Wedding Date” and “The Work Party”) are situations, while 3 (“The Random Hook Up”) straddles between a situation and a person, and 4 (“The Lingerer”) isn’t a situation at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s worse is that Cox starts the damn thing talking about there being “two types of break-ups: the ones that stick and the ones that slide.” She then ditches that structural concept in favour of… well... whatever-the-fuck it ends up being.</li>
<li style="margin-left: .25in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Melissa, Kyle, and Erin are useless idiots.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know who these people are, and I don’t care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can tell that at least two of them are loose as blouses and the third, while happy, is a slow learner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition, the info is so vague and useless that it could as easily be made up as derived from interviews.</li>
<li style="margin-left: .25in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">People can comment on this flimsy excuse for writing.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure that it’s a standard thing on MSN.ca, but the bottom line is that there are few things less brainless than a bad article on relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other than, of course, unsolicited commentary from even stupider people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></li>
<li style="margin-left: .25in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“Information is current as of the original date of publication.”</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What the fuck?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What information?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is nothing in this worth calling information.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so fucking sad.</li>
</ol>This is shit, pure and simple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone can make it, there’s no shortage of it lying around, and all of it smells.Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-68713599910245392842010-12-23T17:18:00.001-05:002010-12-23T20:57:15.199-05:00Texting Truck Drivers<div class="MsoNormal">Yeah, I’m calling you guys out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In the last month, I have almost been run down by at least a half-dozen transport trucks driven by morons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each and every one of these jackasses was using a cell phone, iPhone, or Blackberry at the time, either surreptitiously thrust down between his legs or being held up in front of him like the idea of positioning something in the way of the windshield is a safer option.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to work out of your truck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there’s a reason why it’s illegal to drive and operate a mobile device <a href="http://www.ghsa.org/html/stateinfo/laws/cellphone_laws.html">in every province or state</a> not run by an idiot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t concentrate on the road and on QWERTY keyboard at the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been studied and proven and quantified, so quit think that you are the exception to the rule, buddy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you were that brilliant a multi-tasker, you wouldn’t be hauling crates of cauliflower for a living.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Pull over or invest in a fucking <a href="http://www.canadiantire.ca/AST/browse/4/Auto/BluetoothDevices/1/InCarBluetooth.jsp?cid=KW_Echelon_Silver_Auto-BluetoothDevices-In-CarBluetoothDevices_AD1_En&gclid=COyW-tuRg6YCFcIKKgodgiARnA">Bluetooth</a>.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Don’t start on me about how people driving cars are doing it too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Ford Edge weighs 4000 lbs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your vehicle weighs upward of 26 000 lbs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to be more careful because you have more freaking mass, more potential for destruction, and – consequently – more responsibility.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And while we’re on the subject, stop thinking that because you drive the biggest thing on the road you automatically have the right of way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you decide to pull out in front of me from your greasy-spoon truck stop on to an 80 km/h road with about 10 metres of space between my front grill and your ass end, you are being a dick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t get up to speed before I have to hit the brakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God help us if someone does it to you; we all get to enjoy the sound of your over-compensatory 195 decibel horn blasting away when someone cuts you off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’m half tempted to plow into you just so you miss your deadline by having to fill out a police report.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
In short, drive your goddamn truck the way you would drive a Civic, not the way you dream about driving an Abrams Tank.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJkL_i3rSDKPrHi2qHWlfx0d7BxToqKE9d4mSx0OUmxp3MvDwALVVmJlkE7bXZ2bSdQnEdZKGDeCfvUmM5LuLOuFapSC0IOaoqgxliD3uizK4eZh4LBKGiN4tARx3_jGI0LvsX2JocZQTJ/s1600/Truckers+on+Cell+Phones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJkL_i3rSDKPrHi2qHWlfx0d7BxToqKE9d4mSx0OUmxp3MvDwALVVmJlkE7bXZ2bSdQnEdZKGDeCfvUmM5LuLOuFapSC0IOaoqgxliD3uizK4eZh4LBKGiN4tARx3_jGI0LvsX2JocZQTJ/s320/Truckers+on+Cell+Phones.jpg" width="285" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-44495035064504987802010-12-22T22:38:00.000-05:002010-12-22T22:38:46.752-05:00Nature, Nurture, and Mothers<div class="MsoNormal">I take a lot of shit for being cynical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And fair enough, I would say, since it isn’t easy being around someone that loathes everything, but I do feel a teensy bit justified in being a chronic pessimist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I was born to a woman that thinks she’s psychic, a man that has been married four times in three decades, and a family that includes a bipolar grandfather, a philandering prospector grandfather, and an honest-to-God axe murderer only a few generations back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Think about it: I have nature and nurture both horse-fucking my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My mother dumped me off to live with my father so that she could follow her dreams of being a “real writer,” so I always felt like a burden to my current caregiver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has recently decided that the way to atone for this is to try to force her love on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s like a kindergartener trying to convince you that the macaroni-and-glue craft project she made is worth taking a framing and putting up in the hallway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t want to crush her spirits, but let’s be honest when we say that the picture looks like ass.</div>Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-490286559159029297.post-82143293591687340642010-12-22T21:55:00.000-05:002010-12-22T21:55:30.930-05:00About Me, My Family, and Why I'm More of a Mess Than You<div class="MsoNormal">I’ve been blogging for more than a year now, but I made the silly mistake of doing it under my real name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Why did I do this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Simple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to be a writer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was between jobs and I was writing a novel and I thought that it would be a perfect way to try get some attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it stands, that blog has 35 000 hits, a regular readership, and a handful of decent incoming links that keeps me working at it three times a week.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The downside to this is that my family reads it, my friends read it, and conceivably, my boss could read it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That means that everything has to be family friendly, work appropriate, and non-confrontational.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Well fuck that.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This is a free space that will be safe from that bullshit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This will be the forum for all of the bile that gets hidden away on my regular blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not being able to directly appeal for readership, it will likely be read by no one and loved by less, but that means far less to me than the freedom to write in a way that haunts, appalls, and entertains.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Cheers!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Sigmund”</div>Sigmundhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06794012615623694474noreply@blogger.com0